The below is the attitude I have now. Something clicked and I have decided to just live life. I am not a suicide survivor anymore. I am a fairly content person choosing the way I handle my life. This change has been a 4 1/2 years worth of work.
I have many adventures ahead of me. Some high, some low, and some on even ground. My little girl showed me I am worth living for. She fought like a soldier to stay with her Mama.
If it was always fun, I would not know what fun is. I am o.k.!!! And some think a dog or cat is just an animal....lol.
God never described what an angel looks like!!!! I imagine in my mind, an angel wears a disguise. Funny how this death changed my life.

In Memory Of Cricket; The Blind Yorkie No One Wanted But Me!!!!
CJ (Her Proud Mama)!!!

Dear Friends,

Just a note to say thank you for participating in the green pic game. It was so much fun for me. I am the winner. I do not know about you but I am framing the collage that ____ put together for us. And thanks to ____ for hosting a site where everyone can download the prize as well. I saw so many new people posting and the older members helping, there were times I had tears in my eyes. The whole game turned out to be more than I ever expected.

Yes, as some of you thought I did have something up the old sleeve going on in the back of my mind. As I saw more beautiful and rare images coming in from all over the world I thought "This is getting to gooood to end with my sleeve thought."

So I had one brilliant thought of emailing a computer techie.____ . I asked him if he would help me come up with something better than my original idea. He agreed and was eager to help out. As we started the secret prize...His brilliant idea of the collage) and I was to keep track of the images and keep up the encouraging posting with little teasers etc.

As usual do not make plans C.J. My girl went down at 12 noon on Saturday. She was 16 years old. A blind yorkie who had tons of personality. Having been in the company of death so many times I thought maybe I could do something late Saturday night. Then came the call that my buddy AUNT was on a ventilator. I still thought maybe I could handle something. To make an already longwinded NOTE shorter, my girl would not let go. She fought a valliant battle. She never left my lap. In the meantime my AUNT passed away.

She and my mother were very close also. I got _____ number and called. He told me "DO NOT WORRY. I HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL." The man is amazing. I asked him to contact _____ because I could not handle the ______ upload for hosting the large prize. I emailed Mike once because that "WALDO GAME" Drove Miss Techie nuts and I was confused as usual. He was so polite with his reply I just felt that he would help ______ out. And he has. Thank God or what ever you believe.

My little girl lost her battle at 2:54 a.m. this morning. I was fine then. I cleaned her up, made her a little bed to bury her in. Placed her inside and buried her this morning. I still keep seeing her and hearing her. To be expected we all know. Yet so heartbreaking. But it was just her time. Now she is with my family and running on beaches and through mountains seeing everything she never saw here on earth. Along with my aunt also.

I suppose I could choose to be bitter and angry that I was not emotionally or physically able to participate in the ending. But I choose instead to be comforted with your words thoughts and prayers. I am grateful to everyone who has helped me find a little heartbeat once more in this life. Photography has given me a new life to build on and I will NOT QUIT!!! You all encouraged me that the heartbeat would return.

I have only been online a few minutes at a time. As you all know I am on dial up. I need to keep the phone line open for obvious reasons. And I am exhausted. My mom is o.k. but I am very concerned espescially after the call this morning came that an uncle passed away last night. I am o.k. with this one, but my mom is really upset. That worries me.

Anyway I will be back with more out of focus, noisey, odd composed pics made with the faucet and half glass analysis in hand. I ordered the FZ40_D as I am sure it will be a knockout cam. LOOK for the thread.

To everyone, oldies and newbies this game was a thrill and you guys made it, not me. I have mine downloaded and go to it for comfort throughout the day. I plan to continue this as it is a positve energizer for me.

REMEMBER "LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHILE YOU ARE BUSY MAKING OTHER PLANS." AND also "THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL US ONLY MAKES US STRONGER"!!!

You should see my body build now!!! WOWZA Arnold looks like a whimp.....lol. Take care and keep us in your thoughts. P.S. I wrote this in notepad offline!!! I am a techie now!!!.....lol.

The FZ30,LX1, and FZ40_D shall return,
C.J.

I have chosen to take the high road. An apology was offered and explained to the best of my ability. I will not continue to "participate" in this ridiculous game. I am not any of the intelligent names I have been called.
The email has been made public because I will not back down from this and have untruthful twisted words used without a response. I am strong enough to let this go. But the truth must be told. What I wrote is right here. It was not long or catty. I did not recieve a reply at all. I will blog when I want, where I want AND YES I HAVE CHOSEN TO USE MY WORDS CAREFULLY. That is my opinion of how I need to write. So since an army of one obviously has no chance of winning a battle or a war this is my last response on this matter. I am rather amused by it but tired of it.
But I will not run away like an abused animal and I will resist the human nature urge to respond with nastiness. You may choose continue to carry this out in public for as long as you wish but you will not get a response from me. So please anyone who really cares, believe me when I say I am through with this mess.
The choice is the truth and a higher road. Thank you for the opportunity to see how much I have grown. Am I scared? NO. Are my feelings hurt? NO. Have I lied? NO. Do I still care about this person? YES. Will I contact them? NO. Will I read any blogs? Yes, when I have time. Will I go away or move? NO. Will I write responsibly? YES. Will I keep my opinions to myself? YES, I learned a lesson. Do I want this person to go away? NO. Will I send emails or pm anyone about this? NO.
I am though with this matter. Period!!! I will not discuss it ever again. No matter how nasty it gets I WILL NOT discuss it any further.
This is life. Mistakes are made. We learn and go forward. I have left this matter behind. I have a life I am working on.

Take care,
CJ

EMAIL WAS SENT TUESDAY. For obvious reasons names were removed. NO WORDS WERE CHANGED. NONE. NOT EVEN THE MISTAKES:
___________ __________________________________________________________________
This is a private email for you and you alone. I do not want the pot to keep stirring at blogstream.
With that said, Please release yourself from any guilt or bad feelings you may have. This is not about you and was never ever directed towards you or anyone for that matter. Yes I read the comments on your blog. It is the only one I read. Yes my feelings were hurt for a few hours then I became concerned for newcomers. Perhaps that is not my place. Your blog is very popular as it should be. You are very good with your blogging and have a gift of touching many lives. I would not be reading it if I did not feel a connection on some level. Does that make anything your fault....NO!!!
So please if you still feel any guilt just stop it.
I have my opinions and so do others. In my mind I am constantly trying to be aware of the type of mental shape people are in when they read this stuff. But that is just me. Just me. I should have waited before writing MAYBE but I wanted to be heard by anyone who may have been in a bad place. I hope you can understand this. It is confusing and I get tempted to just stop writing this. THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD I WANT TO DO IS HURT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. I am sure you feel the same way.
I think we all have had crappy lives and we are all in pain. Some days more.....some less. Anyway I wanted to try to clear this up between us. I am sorry if I hurt you in any way shape or form.
I am so sorry about _______. A pets' name
This is the first time I have used ________( an email server) so I hope it gets to you. I hope things are cleared up now and you are alright.
I have missed you also and am very happy you met someone that seems grounded. Oh yeah I had to check him out to see what he was about.

Take care,
CJ
_____________________________________________________________________
Now I have a road I need to get to.

Wouldn't it be nice to delete many things with click switch???
PEACE TO EVERYONE IS ALL I WISH FOR.

My uncle died last night. I just got home from my aunts. Very tired and weary. Tomorrow was my birthday. I will be at the funeral home instead.
I think I need to stop making plans.